Sousuke Aizen's (not so) Happy, Happy Birthday!
by Unmei Senju
Summary: Its Aizen-sama's birthday! All his Arrancar children have made gifts for his special day! Why, Aizen's so famous, even the Seireitei didnt forget! I apologize for the sucky summary, but I promise the story's better!


**A/N: Yay...Mah first fanfic! It was originally fer mah friend's birthday, but she stopped reading it 1/3 through the first chapter, for Gin-knows-what reasons. :(**** Owell, its alright.  
Enjoy if ya can!  
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**Disclaimer: I dun' own Bleach.**

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One afternoon, in Hueco Mundo... The group of Espadas were huddled around Gin and Kaname, when Aizen came barging into their meeting hall. Upon his entering, they all scrambled to find their assigned seats, while Aizen looked at them curiously. He strutted to his throme, where Gin and Kaname were arguing over who should stand on which side of the throne. "I'm his right hand man, so I should be the one standing on his right," explained Kaname impatiently. "But I'm taller, and taller people always stand on the right in movies. It just looks better," Gin objected. "Height does not matter! What matters now is loyalty, and even Yammy can see who is more loyal to him," Kaname said heatedly. Upon hearing this, Szayel and Nnoitra snickered, but Yammy was too busy picking his nose to notice. "Did he say something about me?" he asked stupidly to no one in particular. "He was offending you, he called you stupid," Grimmjow said nastily, obviously trying to start a fight. "Whaaaat? How dare he!" growled Yammy, and lunged at Kaname. Gin took this chance to slip past him, to the right of the throne. Soon the meeting hall was consumed by chaos. Hallibel and Barrigan had taken out a deck of cards, and had started dealing them out, while Starrk had decided to take a nap, and was snoring loudly. Grimmjow, obviously pleased by the chaos he had created, had taken out his sword and had started slashing up the dusty gray curtains that were put to stop the hot desert sun from reaching inside. A beam of sunlight hit Aizen in the face, who was yelling for his 'children' to calm down, and he cringed and fell to his knees. He started moaning, but no one noticed except for Gin, who looked on in horror. "Aizen-sama!" he cried and rushed to his side, shedding his haori and putting it over Aizen like a blanket. Immediately Aizen stopped moaning, and managed to crawl with the haori draped over him into a un-sunlighted , through all this commotion and chaos, there was only one good little Espada who had remained in his seat, and had not uttered a word. Yes, it was the cat-eyed goth, Ulquiorra Cifer. Well, he wasnt really a good little Espada, because the only reason he wasnt joining in on the chaos was because he was having a staring contest. A staring contest with Aaronierro, of all people. Suddenly, the room went were a few muffled minutes when everyone was fumbling around in the darkess, trying to locate the source of the sudden darkness. The only ones oblivious to this were Starrk, because he was asleep, and Kaname, because he's blind. All the rest were trying desperately to gain higher ground, because the ground was suddenly wet with a mysterious glowing-red, sticky substance. A few of them even , quite suddenly, Aizen's firm voice pierced the darkness. "Gin, you may let down the makeshift curtains." Sunlight flooded the room. The Espadas automatically for the source of the glowing-red liquid. They all glared at the topless Gin, who had apparently stripped to make the 'curtains' for the windows; he was the source of the sudden darkness. Suddenly there was a high-pitched scream. Szayel, who had Resurreccted so to not touch the crimson liquid on the floor, was pointing at two of the three sitting at the table. Everyone turned to where he pointed. Aaronierro's tank had wide, circular whole in it, almost as big as a Hollow-hole. The fluids inside had been emptied, which explained the liquid on the floor. Aaronierro himself was hooked up to a large rectangular tank, which appeared to have the two brain-heads in them. The silence was broken by Grimmjow, whose loud cough sounded a lot like 'dickhead'. At the cough, Starrk snorted awake. He looked around and spotted Zommari, who had been silently meditating under the table the whole time. He scooted his chair backwards, and joined the monk under the table, oblivious to the fact that he was kneeling in the crimson tank-fluid.

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IN THE SEREITEI...Rukia, Izuru, Shuuhei, Renji, and other lieutenants and soul reapers were gathered in the SilverStar Teahouse. In the middle of the group sat Momo, who had brought a sketchpad, and was passing it around to show everyone the pictures she drew of Aizen. "So, as you all know, it is Aizen-taichou's birthday tomorrow! So I've come up with perfect plan to celebrate it!" A few people groaned. A couple fell out of their seats, too. ('A couple' being Rangiku and Izuru, who were drunk) "Why should we celebrate his birthday? He's a traitor. And besides, his Arrancars probably wont let us pass into their territory," complained Shuuhei. "And that's why I've already had Yachiru get a peace treaty from them!" said Momo happily. "All we've got to do is sign it, each and every one of you." "But what if we dont wanna go?" She glared at them, and let out a theatrical sigh."Fine, if you dont wanna go, I can just go alone, and I'd probably never return, because I'd probably get raped, and none of you are going to be there to look out for me and protect me."A few people looked down guiltily. Momo started again. "So, no objections? OK! Everyone buy your presents, make your cards, and we meet to depart tonight, here, at 10:00, OK?" She didnt wait for an answer. "OK! Everyone dissmissed!" The crowd shuffled out, whisperingly complaining to each other about the plan. "Oh, and bring your Captains, too!" Momo called to the departing shinigami. "Renji, Izuru, Rangiku, Shuuhei, and Rukia, stay behind," she said sharply. Shuuhei, who was tiptoeing quietly out the door with the other shinigami, sighed and came back inside.

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Later that night, in Hueco Mundo, in Aizen's bedroom...Gin knocked on the door to his Lord's room, his usual smile in place. The door opened. Aizen raised his eyebrows at him, but greeted him anyways. "Good evening, Gin. What may I do for you?" He mentally smirked. "Would you like to come in?" "Yes, pleas, Aizen-sama." He stepped inside. Aizen quickly locked the door behind him."Um...""Well?" "Well, tomorrow's yer birthday and all...so I thought that maybe-" He turned red. "Nevermind, Aizen-sama. Forgive me." Aizen raised his eyebrows once again. "But you should know, Gin, that you can tell me whatever is troubling you, and I shall do my best to fix your troubles."

XXXXXXX

The next morning...  
Gin woke up in Aizen's bed. He blushed when he found himself naked and pulled the covers up to his chin. Aizen was still asleep next to him. Gin rolled over and prodded him in the shoulder. "Aizen-sama, wake up," he whispered. Aizen mumbled something and shifted his position. "Aizen-sama, its yer birthday," he tried one more time. No reply. After seeing that it was safe, he reached into the blankets and pulled out a walkie-talkie. He turned it on, crept into the bathroom, and locked the door. "Szayel, Nnoitra, do you read?" he whispered into the walkie-talkie. It crackled. "Yeah, we're here," came the reply. "Ok, he's still asleep, so proceed to Part One of Operation Aizen's Super Secret Hall Operated by Les Espadas. And hurry, too. Hallibel should be waiting fer ya guys in the kitchen."  
"Right, Gin," came the reply.  
He turned the WK's volume down low, so in case they had more to report, it wouldnt wake up Aizen. He then got dressed, and set up the toothbrush with a perfect amount of toothpaste on it. He quietly turned on the water and poured a cup of water for rinse. Their water supply was limited; they were in a desert, after all. After filling the cup full, he walked over to the laundry hamper and tapped three times on the lid. "Ok, I'm going down to the kitchen now. You guys got the clothes, right? Call me if he wakes up and I'm still downstairs."  
At his last word, the hamper shook, and out popped the heads of Loly and Menoly. After a little fit of coughing and clearing of stinky air, they nodded.  
"Yes, Gin-san," they replied in unison.  
Gin beamed at them and headed out the door. Meanwhile, in the kitchen...  
Upon receiving Gin's message, the Spoon and the scientist crept into the kitchen from their posts guarding the meeting room. Nnoitra's Spoon, due to its tremendous size, bumped against the frame of the kitchen doorway and made a slight rustling sound.  
"Duuude!" hissed Szayel. "For once, duck when entering! Yer not using ninja-stealth at all!" "Well, sorry! Not everone has such a great brain as you, Aporro-san," hissed back the Spoon. They immediately stopped bickering when they heard a quiet, muffled voice from inside the kitchen. "Stop arguing, you two, and come in here. You both are eleven seconds late." The two Espadas shoved each other one last time, before entering the kitchen. As planned, Hallibel was waiting for them inside, lounging against the 'fridge and eating some Tuna-and-Roe crackers. As they drew nearer, she held out the bag. "Want some? They're all-natural, shark friendly, and the variety of roe includes salmon, sailfish, trout, and-"  
They cut her off, looking green. "I think we'll pass, Hallibel." She shrugged. "Fine, but you boys dont know what you're missing out on." They turned greener. Nnoitra, the braver of the two, decided it was time for a change of subject. "So, did you make the cakes yet? Gin is probably coming down here to collect the one for his breakfast."  
"Yep," she said as she munched on the crackers. "Strawberry-lime, Raspberry-orange, Pomegranate-mango, Banana-Breaker, and Wasabi. They're all done, ready to be served. Theyre in the 'fridge," she said, beconning over to the 'fridge she was leaning on. "Wait, what were the last two flavors of cake?" they asked, not sure if they heard correctly. "I said 'Banana-Breaker and Wasabi', dumbos. Now get on with your guys' routine; your breakfast is on the counter." "Thanks, Hallibel, I swear your the only good cook in this whole place. Well, we'll be on our way."  
"Oh, and if you guys stop by again today, can you grab me another bag of SeaFood Munchies?" she called to them as they made their way out the kitchen with their breakfasts. "We'll try, if we have any extra time," Szayel said. Once they were outside the kitchen, they inwardly shuddered, and the scientist took out his walkie-talkie, and handed it to his partner, who was already finished with his breakfast. "Tell Gin we've got our breakfast, and we're now heading to the ballroom." "Fine, but why me?" grunted Nnoitra, as he up-volumed the walkie-talkie.  
After informing Gin, they stepped quitely into the ballroom, where Kaname was blowing up some 'Happy Birthday' balloons. As soon as they opened their mouths to greet the former taichou, he turned to them and smiled widely. "Szayel, Nnoitra, the cards are next to the bag of un-blown balloons. "Great. Thanks, Kaname."  
"You guys better hurry, your 14 seconds late," he informed them. Nnoitra snickered. "How would you know? You're blind, and you havent even got a watch on you. Hell, how do you even tell which of the two I was?"  
Szayel's eyes widened, and he grabbed his partner's sleeve. "Nnoitra, why did you ask _him_ that? You know you could've asked me!" Nnoitra ignored him and turned back to the Blindguy. "Well?"  
Kaname looked at him stragely. Well, he turned to his general direction, because he was blind.  
"Vibrations," he said simply. He then quickly ushered them out of the ballroom, before Nnoitra could ask what that meant. "I believe your next destination is the Meeting Hall? Well, be on your way," he said, in a tone that meant the conversation was over. "Wha-" began Nnoitra, but Szayel cut him off. "Well, thanks, Kaname. We shall be on our way now." he grabbed the sack of birthday cards and lead Nnoitra away from the ballroom. Once a good distance away, Nnoitra whirled around to face his partner. "I wanted to know!" he snarled. "Not everyone is as smart as you, smartass!"  
Szayel stood his ground. "Fine, if you really wanna know, he meant your giant spoon thing! His voice vibrates across the room, and because of your giant spoon thing, he can tell that the vibrations are more than from normal people, there for he can tell you from all the other Espadas!" Szayel felt suddenly guilty that he had blurted it all out. "Look, Nnoitra-san, I'm sorry, I didnt mean it-I mean, its the truth, so-" "I. Dont. Fucking. Care. Keep moving, before I change my mind and fuck you up from here to hell." Szayel gulped. He continued walking, and finally, in an awkward silence, they reached the Meeting Hall. Since his parter was still wound up about what he had said, Szayel was the one who knocked. They both were quite startled when Luppi came out, with a black eye. Nnoitra was too surprised to act angry, and asked him what happened. Luppi smirked imperiously at them, before shoving them aside and going down the hall. "You know, smartasses... there is such thing as facepainting..."  
He gave them one last cocky look before he dissappeared around a corner. They looked at each other confused, and Szayel was glad that his partner had forgiven him. "Um, shall we?" he asked and stepped inside. They were swallowed by (not so)complete darkness. They looked around, and Szayel, being the gaylord he was, squealed a girlish little squeal, and pointed at the ceiling. Nnoitra looked up at where his partner was pointing. He snickered loudly. Hanging upside down from the ceiling was Ulquiorra, who had his arms crossed in an 'x' shape in front of his chest, making him look a lot like Dracula. Upon hearing the snicker, the Batman opened his eyes. "You may go on with your business," he stated emotionlessly, still hanging from the ceiling. Creeped out of their wits, the two Espada hurriedly took all the cards out of the sack and ordered them in Espada Numero order, placed them on the table in front of the throne seat, and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible, not even bothering to take the sack out with them. With their tasks all finished just in time, they rushed to the door of Aizen's bedroom, and stood in their assigned order, along with all the other Espadas and Arrancar. For some strange reason, Ulquiorra was there already. Suddenly, the doorknob of the door turned, and everyone held their breaths as Aizen came out of his bedroom, with Gin on his right, walking one step behind him. Kaname was there too, but he was on Aizen's left, looking highly annoyed. Even Grimmjow was wise enough to keep from shouting out like usual. From his place behind Aizen, grinning like usual, Gin held up three figers. He made sure he had everyone's eyes on the fingers, then he counted down. When he put down the final finger, a loud and varied chorus of "Happy Birthday, Aizen-sama!" could be heard from Hueco Mundo, for a three mile radius.

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**Eeh?!**** Whatever happened ta the group in the Seireitei? I totally fergot 'bout them!  
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**Owell, at least now ya guys have somethin' ta look forward ta. Oi! And I totally apologize fer the lack of sex and that stuff. Mah friend is very immature on that subject, so I didnt want ta get her on a HyperCussingSpree. Sry guys.**

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